Fight For it!

      Fight For It! 

          Four years ago, my mama and daddy, family and friends watched as I was loaded into an East Care helicopter bound for Vidant Greenville. I still cannot imagine the anguish they must have felt knowing that the independent, strong willed woman they had raised was unable to even breathe without assistance. For days, I had been battling a ruptured appendix. Infection filled my body and caused it to swell; sepsis. My breathing was fast and labored, up to 60 breaths per minute; ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome). Panic and anxiety washed over me like pounding ocean waves; constant crashing.  

          Relentless fighting! That's what this time feels like to me now. I was very heavily sedated and many of the memories I have of this time are foggy. Some of those memories, however, are vivid. About 2 years ago, the trauma reemerged in flashbacks, memories, and dreams (nightmares). Several events triggered the memories and the symptoms related to PTSD and Post Intensive Care Syndrome raged back to the forefront. I became a quiet version of the Jodie Leigh I used to be. I lost my spunk so to speak. Much of this is related to aphasia. Aphasia is the loss of ability to understand and use language. Aphasia is most commonly caused by stroke, but in my case it was due to a lack of oxygen over a long period of time and occurred as a result of being on the ventilator for an extended period. The loss of this language processing ability is frustrating and depressing to those who experience it. 

          About 9 months ago, I found that spark and passion that I had hidden away. I discovered that the dreams I had before were still very real. I have always considered myself a lifelong learner. Post ICU, I had to relearn many things: walking, swallowing, talking. The basics. Now, I'm pursuing my dreams with a tenacity and drive from somewhere deep within. I can't adequately describe what has happened to me in less than a year, but I will try. I'm sharp, witty, and unafraid to speak up for what is honorable and right. I'm confident that I am beautiful (just as I am), able to learn and grow, and prepared to change my community for the better. I walk with my head up because I should! I'm a warrior. I have friends who remind me of this often. This battle was hard fought and I'm still moving forward. 

          As I sit here tonight, I think about Mike and Carrie. Both are fighting tonight! Pray for them. Encourage them and their families. It means more than you could ever know. Both my mom and dad kept journals. My mama kept a journal for me so that I would know what had happened along the way.  I treasure it. She made a note of people who called, visited, and sent cards. It really does make a difference.  My daddy kept a more public "journal" on Facebook. He did this so that my friends and family would know what was happening. Journaling is therapeutic. I do it often. I believe deep in my heart that journaling is what kept my mama and daddy moving forward all those months. I'm so thankful for friends and family who prayed and encouraged me through hard times. Be a light for someone who needs it. Don't hide away your talents and passions. Someone needs to see that they can do it too! Fight for it!

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