Trepidation

Trepidation

Fear can be a paralyzing emotion. I have tried to avoid the television and news over the last couple of weeks. I know my tendencies and it’s just better for me to focus on things that I can control. PTSD is a real thing. It rears its head when things change in our lives. My bouts with PTSD come and go but they tend to coincide with trauma or environmental stressors. This social distancing is easy during these times. I am fine pulling back into myself because this alone time lends itself to reflection.

We all need to pay attention. People are dying. One day they are fine and the next, they are fighting for their lives. The physical toll from being placed on a ventilator is enormous. I know this personally.  I have been there. I have begged for a tube to help me breathe. The ramifications are felt for years after the event. Over the last 3 years I have felt the effects of being on a ventilator and research shows that it can take up to ten years to recover from post ICU syndrome.  Post ICU syndrome is a collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms that continue to persist after a patient leaves the ICU.

Post ICU syndrome manifests itself as nightmares, flashbacks, and lapses in short term and long term memory (also known as aphasia). In my case, it appears as flashbacks and nightmares of being trapped or tied down.  I also have short term memory processing problems. It takes me a little longer to process, recall, and respond to new information. As the time passes, these symptoms become less prevalent. Life slowly returns to some semblance of normalcy. It’s been 3 ½ years now and I see the light ahead of me. I can feel the warmth of it. Comforting wings hovering over me, wrapping me in a cocoon.  This feeling of security and warmth can only come from the one who hung the sun and morphs the ugly into beauty.

Please be diligent and aware. We must protect the ones we love. Look at this time as an opportunity to connect with yourself again. Read a book…you have the time. Take a walk… God’s miracles abound. Tell your family and friends you love them… the time is drawing near. Hug your children…you are their source of comfort and security in uncertain times. Meditate and pray… there is no excuse.

Listen to what the experts are saying. Remember, the church is not the building, it is the people. Corporate worship is a necessary part of the church, but it’s only a part. You can study, pray, and commune with your Lord in quiet places and spaces.

From the Message: Matthew 18:20 When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.