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Not "Just Another Day"

Not "Just Another Day"     There are so many things that are different this year. Christmas has been a difficult time of the year for me for various reasons over my adult years. As a child, I have nothing but fond memories of Christmas. It was never about the gifts received, but the love that flooded my heart. I am fortunate enough to have known the love of three of my great grandparents, my grandparents, and the ever abiding love and devotion of my parents. I have so many beautiful memories.     This year, I didn't put up a tree. Maybe if there is no tree, I won't remember. Maybe if I wait to wrap the gifts I purchased until just before leaving the house, Christmas would pass on by. I needed today to be "just another day." Sadly, it is not. There is a tremendous void in my life and I have tried so hard to tamp down the emotion and distress I feel. I've tried to maintain that happy façade. Inside, I feel depleted and tired. My family is my strength when ...
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How They Remember You

 How They Remember You     What we do here on Earth matters. We each leave a legacy, whether good or bad. Rascal Flatts has a beautiful song called “How They Remember You”. I’ve listened to the song several times today. Here’s the link:  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g_8ed6_5K_k       
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Pressing Forward

Pressing Forward           Movement, whether fast or slow is still movement. There are times when I have felt like a turtle in this race called life. There are also times when I have longed for time to slow. Today was one of those times.           My little girl sat behind the wheel and drove me down the highway. Didn't I just walk around with her on my hip? Time is flying by. I'm so proud of her and her accomplishments. She is a great student with a wonderful and caring heart. I couldn't ask for more from her.          Tonight, I set up my NCSU email account and registered for my first class. In a month, I'll be attending classes.  WOOHOO! I'm so excited! My long time dream is coming true. Everything that happened in my past has led me to this point.            The hardships we face build our character. Growth requires us to take a step. Just one step forward is ...
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Fight For it!

       Fight For It!            Four years ago, my mama and daddy, family and friends watched as I was loaded into an East Care helicopter bound for Vidant Greenville. I still cannot imagine the anguish they must have felt knowing that the independent, strong willed woman they had raised was unable to even breathe without assistance. For days, I had been battling a ruptured appendix. Infection filled my body and caused it to swell; sepsis. My breathing was fast and labored, up to 60 breaths per minute; ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome). Panic and anxiety washed over me like pounding ocean waves; constant crashing.             Relentless fighting! That's what this time feels like to me now. I was very heavily sedated and many of the memories I have of this time are foggy. Some of those memories, however, are vivid. About 2 years ago, the trauma reemerged in flashbacks, memories, and dreams (nigh...
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The Majesty of the Marsh

  The Majesty of the Marsh            There is renewal found in the ebb and flow of the marshlands. The sensory experiences remind me of my childhood. They bring back sweet memories of clams dug from black Pamlico mud, shrimping and setting nets with my Pop, the slap of the boat paddle on the water, and mosquitoes as big as dragonflies. The beauty and importance of the marsh is often underestimated.      Today, I stood and looked over the marsh and toward the sea and I felt the strong arms of life and promise embrace me like an old friend. The briny mud of the marsh holds so much meaning for so many. The brackish estuaries provide nourishment, hope, and cleansing for many Eastern North Carolina families. My roots are here and they run deep, from Ocracoke to Goose Creek Island.       I smelled the pungent salt air and closed my eyes. I drifted back to my childhood; to a flat bottom boat skimming across the waters ...
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Breathing Amidst the Busyness

    It's been quite awhile since I sat at my keyboard and just let the thoughts flow. Writing is my healing strength. It's so important and I have been neglectful.  I get so caught up in the trappings of the world and I forget to breathe. I forget to heal. My journal has been calling for me and due to the demands of work and life, I've been ignoring the call. Why? I've been pondering that very thing tonight.  When I write, I SEE CLEARLY! Maybe I don't want to see what my heart is leading me toward.      There is so much to be grateful for! My 95 year old paternal grandma has beat this COVID virus with a big stick. I have always admired her love, courage, boldness, and strength. She is goodness and tenacity in human form. Love with spunk! My Mema (my maternal grandmother) held my hand and rubbed my arm and tried to speak to me a couple of days ago. I knew she knew who I was, at least I choose to believe that. She raised her eyebrows and hummed and ...
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Live with Enthusiasm!!

Life is all about our choices! I choose to live with enthusiasm and spunk. Today, I closed my eyes and breathed in the sweet smell of cured tobacco and fleshly plowed soil. I saw a little mouse scurry to safety and a magnificent blue sky overhead. I felt the sun on my cheeks and the breeze as it blew my hair across my face. I tasted the sweetness of a ripe strawberry and quenched my thirst with a tall glass of iced tea. I listened to the purple martins singing as they circled overhead and I heard the whip of our American flag as it moved sharply in the wind. Our lives are what we choose. Even though all of our lives are different now, we can choose to see, hear, touch, taste, and feel the beauty around us.
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